A Jury of My Peers

Today I am sitting in the Hall of Justice, serving on jury duty. Good thing I enjoy people watching. As an artist, I consider myself an observer of people. I notice their features, dress and demeanor. As a writer, I imagine their lives, loves and losses. There is a sea of humanity with whom I’ll be spending at least the day with. Before me I see every age, race, color and creed represented in the room. We humans are an odd lot, and there is much fodder for me to observe in this jury pool. The phrase “jury of my peers” keeps running through my mind.

A jury of my peers is an interesting term.  Are these people really my peers? As I listen and watch, I realize there is a fine line between being an observer and being judgmental of others. We like to compare ourselves to others, ranking them higher or lower on our scale of perceived acceptable behavior.

It’s easy to be judgmental.  Ironically, today I am expected to sit in judgment of others as a juror, it is my duty to do so, but I have consciously been working to not judge people. Releasing judgment isn’t easy – we all judge. It has been eye-opening to realize how much I sit in judgment of others, and myself.

So, if we all do it, what’s wrong with being judgmental?

“Love is the absence of judgment.” – HH Dalai Lama

Moral judgment separates us. Judgments create the illusion of right and wrong, good and bad, and black and white. We feel smug when we think we are better, smarter, cooler or more righteous than others, but in our superiority, we close ourselves off. It is lonely at the top. And the converse is also lonely, thinking that we are not as worthy, deserving or accomplished as others.

Judgments are mirrors of the things we dislike most about ourselves. Often completely unconsciously, we project our deepest, darkest fears out onto others. We are so afraid of being judged and rejected, we point out others flaws to avoid facing our own. As a parent, I would cringe when my children behaved like me. Our significant others often mirror our own issues right back in our face, much to our annoyance.

Judgments create a brick wall to energy exchange. Judgments stop the flow of communication, empathy and acceptance. When we judge, we are much like a mountain. The mountain stands firm and solid, not flowing like a river or bending like a tree.  It can be very difficult to reach the mountain, challenging to get around the mountain and near impossible to get through the mountain. It can take years to tunnel into the mountain and just as much effort to find safe passage around it. Yet, Mother Nature, time and effort can alter mountains, and judgments. An open mind can tunnel through the craggiest rocks. And a loving heart can move the mountain completely aside.

The media has made it far too easy to anonymously weigh in and pass judgment. Our news stories are filled with the hypocrisy of leaders who make public moral judgments on others’ behavior, but they themselves do not conform to a standard above reproach, and sometimes privately behave in the exact manner they publicly abhor. Too often we jump to conclusions without knowing the whole story, or even the facts. Reality TV thrives because we are spoon-fed an opportunity to judge others as entertainment. We have become accustomed to thinking that everyone is entitled to our opinion and judgment.  And oftentimes, what another person is does, believes or thinks is really none of our business.

Sitting in judgment shuts down our openness to new experience.  When we prejudge our future by our past experiences, we limit what is possible for us. We close ourselves off to new acquaintances, adventures and opportunities. To me, this is the saddest consequence of all.

Judging ourselves is the most damaging judgment we can make. We hold ourselves to a near-impossible standard. We judge our success and our failures, our wins and our losses, always thinking we could have done something better or differently than we did. We really do need to cut ourselves a break, and not judge ourselves so harshly.

Today I am presented with an opportunity to practice what I am struggling to learn. I have been chosen to sit on a jury panel in a criminal case, and pass judgment on a man accused of a crime. I would like nothing more than for karma to take the judgment from my hands, but that will come in its own time and place, not today. While I will have compassion and empathy for the defendant, I will keep an open mind. I will do my best to judge him fairly.

And I will continue to strive to judge myself and others less.