All Stressed Up and Nowhere to Go

As I sat myself down to write today, I discovered my internet connection was down.  To say that I was annoyed would be an understatement.  Was the problem on my end?  The modem? My server? The network?  I am not tech savvy enough to know the difference, but still I fretted over it.  How could I possibly manage without the internet!  My frustration grew until I gave up, unplugged and began to write.  I’ve been writing for more years than the internet has been such an integral part of my life, I surely could continue to do so now.  But the irony is not lost on me that I’m sitting down to write about stress, all stressed out that my internet connection has failed.

“There’s no doubt about it, chronic stress is on the rise. Between politics, global affairs, work demands, the pressure of managing on the home front, and an addiction to our electronic devices, stress has infiltrated all areas of daily life—and it's not slowing down anytime soon.” – Jennifer Deen, mindbodygreen

I have a button on my bulletin board that says, “All Stressed Up, and Nowhere to Go!”  The fact that I’ve had this button for over twenty years now is saying something.  Stress and I go way back!  I have a love/hate relationship with stress.  I seem thrive on deadlines and the 11th hour.  That fight or flight response has gotten me through a few messes in my day.  But over the years, I have noticed that living in a chronically stressed-out state isn’t serving me like it used to.  In fact, it has worn me out!

Everyone has stress in their lives, it has become unavoidable, normal in fact. Besides our finances, relationships and careers, we have new and improved stressors bombarding and overwhelming us today. I took note of all the things that make me stress today. Can you relate?

There’s no escaping the constant barrage of noise of unrealistic expectations shoved at us from all directions. 

Filling my car with gas, I was startled by an advertisement blaring out of the pump. Apparently, I needed a new car!  A car to impress my neighbors; a better, faster car, and oh purr, a sexy car!  The unspoken message was none too subtle – my car must represent the outward manifestation of my wealth, power and sex appeal.  And obviously I was falling short in all three categories as my VW Beetle, while cute as all get-out, is not exactly a statement of wealth, power and sex appeal.

Stopping off at the market, the TV monitor at checkout was showing me I could make a fabulous dinner with only a few ingredients, none of which were in my cart.  Again, I was going to fall short, as I really hadn’t thought about dinner yet.

While waiting in line, I do a quick check of my social media feed.  Never before have we had the ability to compare our lives to others in such a public manner, and not solely limited to people I personally know.  Our expectations of how our life should look is further skewed by our immediate access to the lives of the hip, cool and famous – the standard of which would be impossible to measure up, so again I will fall short.

I’m watching a mom and her little one waiting ahead of me.  There seems to be an expectation these days that your children must be functioning at varsity level at two years old, or you have fallen short as a parent.  You must have them involved in a buffet of experience from birth. I cannot fathom the stress that creates for young parents who are working hard to build a life for their families.

The price of constant connectivity comes with a cost and payment is coming due fast. 

Let me count the ways we connect: computers, smart phones, tablets, bluetooth connections in our cars.  It’s all so convenient – however did we manage before? We are now connected 24/7.  We feel lost, panicky even, without that constant connection.  But being continuingly “on call” is beginning to wear on us in ways we could not have imagined.

There must be a Boogie Man under the bed. 

Our society is built upon fear, what I call the boogie man theory.  You can’t see him, but you just know he’s there and he is Out to Get YOU. Sometimes you are your own boogie man, working yourself into a state just by your thoughts. And sometimes the boogie man is stood up before you by other sources that you allow into your life.  Watching the evening news is an exercise of reinforced fear.  And since fear breeds more fear, it becomes what we believe, supposedly affirming and validating our stance in fear.

Fear is an illusion.  One of my teachers describes fear as False Evidence Appearing Real.  Fear is worrying about something that may not happen.  Fear keeps us stuck in a fight or flight mindset with no boogie man to fight or flee from.  Fear is a big topic, and one I plan to write more about in future blogs, because I believe that fear is the number one reason most of us feel stressed in the first place.  We fear failure, we fear success.  We fear love and we fear solitude.  We fear falling short and disappointing ourselves and others.  We fear someone will take what we have away from us, either through violence, illness or mismanagement.  Fear stops us from being the best us we can be.

And let’s not forget stressing over things seemingly beyond our control.

“Two-thirds of Americans say they are stressed about the future of our nation, including a majority of both Democrats and Republicans,” according to the American Psychological Association's (APA) report Stress in America™: Coping with Change.

The political situation, environmental issues, human suffering are all a call to arms.  We do what we must to affect change, and yet, it often feels like we fall short as we see little impact.  Not only is it frustrating, it’s stressful.

We must learn to reduce, manage or at the very least mitigate the effects of stress in our lives.  It is an act of self-love to limit our response to our stressors.

Why? What does run-away stress do to us? Left unchecked, stress has a sneaky way of wreaking havoc on our well-nourished soul, exhausting us mentally, physically and spiritually.  Unresolved stress is stored in our bodies and often manifests as anxiety, depression, illness, autoimmune disorders and general crankiness.  Now what can we do about it?

We need to cultivate calm in the storm, and these days that takes some doing. 

There are ways to mitigate the effects of chronic stress.  While eating better, meditating and exercise are helpful to stem the tide, we need even more strategies to combat the effects of constant stress. 

We may need to unplug. We may need to limit our exposure to media. We may need to learn to speak up for ourselves and say no thank you.  But for today, simply notice what are your stressors?  Where can you begin to turn down the noise? 

The number one way to reduce stress is always available to you, any time, day or night.  Just breathe. A big deep belly inhale and a loud sigh exhale automatically brings you into a calmer state. 

Don’t forget to breathe.